A loud sound woke up Carl. What’s happening, he wondered as frantically looked around. There was a flash of bright light that illuminated his tent. Is that lighting? Is there a storm?
Ground shaking explosions shook the area as Carl quickly tried to get out of the tent. “Ahh,” cried Carl as he ducked to the ground.
In the tent Carl got to his hands and feet and cautiously crawled out.
Reeling from the loud noises Carl noticed that there was a glow off in the distance, as if there was a fire. Carl got to his feet and ran in that direction.
Led by the glow Carl found a large burning object on a field of grass. Around the blaze pieces of some sort of metal were scattered about.
Looking around Carl saw that there was no one in the area. This looks like some sort of crash! He continued to search the area for survivors.
One of the pieces on the ground caught his eye and he picked it up. It was roughly round and he turned it around in his hands. This isn’t like any metal I’ve seen before. He noticed a marking on it which he did not recognize. Carl tucked the piece under his arm and continued searching the area.
Several minutes passed and Carl’s foot bumped into something. He looked down and saw a sliver tube which he picked up. What is this?
Eyeing the burning object Carl sighed. I need to call this in but there’s no cell service out here. I should head back up the road.
Storing the pieces that he found and his camping gear in his truck he drove off. A few minutes later, Carl checked his phone. Still no cell signal?
After a couple of minutes, Carl heard sirens in the distance. I guess someone called it in. Might as well head home.
Feeling rested, Carl got up the next morning and headed to his living room. He picked up the sliver tube which he had put next to the other piece on his coffee table. I never did figure out what this was.
Rolling the tube in his hand, Carl walked into his kitchen. His thumb touched a spot causing a red circle to light up.
In an instant a red beam of light shot out of the tube. Carl cried out as the beam struck a nearby cabinet, craving through it. Carl swung his arm around sending the beam through the neighboring cabinet. The beam zipped around the room burning a trail as it went.
Evading the beam, Carl fell to the floor and the tube flew from his hand.
Not looking up for a few minutes Carl stayed down. Finally, he sat up. He saw the damage done to his kitchen and after another moment he looked around and spotted the tube. His hand hovered above it for a minute before carefully picking it up. He stood while keeping the tube at arm’s length. He slowly left the kitchen and went back to his living room.
Dropping to the sofa Carl took a deep breath and then carefully put the tube down. What was that? He spent the next few minutes looking at the tube and the other piece he got from the crash.
Anxiously, Carl picked the tube up again. He moved his thumb around the object and found the spot that activated it. A beam shot pass Carl’s head and scorched the ceiling.
“Nahh,” cried Carl.
Dropping the tube Carl jumped off the sofa. He stood for a minute looking at the device. Finally, Carl exhaled and picked up the object.
Freaking no way! This thing, it’s some sort of . . . laser. Carl moved it around in his hand. As long as I don’t touch that one spot, I should be fine.
In a state of wonder Carl looked at the other piece he found. Lasers and objects with strange symbols. It’s like that thing that crashed was . . . no it couldn’t be . . . maybe it is! Maybe it was an actual spaceship, a UFO!
Gripping the laser Carl felt excitement course through him. I have a real phaser, just like in Star Trek. He looked over the device. I know what I should do with this.
Hightailing it to the kitchen Carl was careful not to push the trigger on the device. He took out some meatloaf from the refrigerator and put it on the counter. Time to heat up some leftovers.
Targeting the meatloaf Carl pushed the button. The beam struck the meat which bubbled and let off steam before suddenly exploding. Pieces hit Carl in the face, and he smelled smoke. He backed away coughing and waving his hands. Soon the smoke alarm sounded. Carl groaned and looked at where the meatloaf was. Charred bits of meat remained on the plate which had a dark spot in the middle. A layer of smoke hung in the air. Carl went over to the smoke alarm and disconnected it.
Still waving his hands, Carl entered the living room. Maybe there’s something on TV about the crash. He turned on the set and paced around the room.
Feeling excited about what he was about to hear Carl picked up his pace. He reached a wall and turned back in the direction of the TV.
On the screen the local news station’s logo came on. “Hello, my name is Jon Wheeler, and this is the morning news,” said the newscaster. “Our top story is Hurricane Icarus has been downgraded to a tropical storm. While it is still expected to hit experts say that the damage will be a great deal less than originally predicted.”
Readying himself for news of the crash Carl began to pace again.
“Just in, local zoo welcomes new penguins to their arctic exhibit. The zoo is also planning to stream some of the birds’ antics online in a feed that will run on their website.”
Unable to contain himself, Carl was practically running around the room as several more minutes passed.
“Sources say that an investigation into the allegation of embellishment has been started though the city council has yet to release a statement.”
The image of a local politician came on the screen and Carl groaned. It’s been an hour but nothing. You would think that an UFO crash would be the top story everywhere.
Instead of talking about the crash they then showed a news story about new parking laws in the area. Unless the government is covering it up! That must’ve been what those sirens I heard were about.
Carl went over to his easy chair and sat down. What am I supposed to do now? I have this great scientific discovery and I can’t share it.
Eleven minutes passed and then a breaking news bulletin came on the screen. “This just in,” said Wheeler. “Another robbery has been committed by a group that police say has been behind a string of crimes in the city.” Carl sat up. “The group is said to use sophisticated tactics like shooting out security cameras with paintball guns. Almost half a dozen locations have been struck. We have spoken to a former FBI agent who said that groups like these are often comprised of experienced criminals and do things like conduct reconnaissance at places that they plan to rob. We will play our interview with former Agent Stephen Trey tonight at six but up next The Days of Our Lives.”
Feeling the laser in his hand Carl’s heart raced. That’s it! I was given this for a reason. I can use it to make the city a better, safer place!
Outside Fastball Sporting Goods Carl took a deep breath before entering. “Can I help you?” asked a salesclerk.
“Really no, but thanks,” answered Carl.
He went over to the swimming section of the store. After looking for a bit he found a wet suit that looked like it would fit him. He then found a number of swim caps. After checking to see if anyone was watching he tried on a few and slipped them over his eyes.
Eventually Carl came up to the cash register. “Is there anything else?” asked the clerk.
“Right now, no Madam,” answered Carl getting out his wallet.
“Should I ring all these up together?” asked the clerk. “Also, do you have a rewards card?”
“Igh . . . no,” answered Carl. He fumbled with his money. “I’ve never been here before.” They could trace the card and I can’t let anyone know that I’m buying this. My identity must not be revealed.
“So, no card,” said the clerk.
Taking his money out of his wallet caused a small plastic card to fall out. It landed next to the register with the store’s logo facing up.
“Either I’m mistaken or that’s our rewards card,” said the clerk. “You said that you didn’t have one.”
“Remembering correctly, I believe that card belongs to a friend,” said Carl picking up the card. “I’m borrowing his wallet.”
She gave him a weird look but rang him up.
“It’s a thing,” said Carl. “I didn’t want my money just floating around in my pocket and it’s cheaper than buying a wallet of my own.”
“Normally, people don’t like other people having their wallets,” said the clerk in a strange tone as she handed him the bag.
“Don’t think he left his money when he lent it to me,” said Carl. He took his purchases and then left looking around as he did so.
As he left the young woman watched him go. Wait until I tell Ken about this one.
Near Carl’s neighborhood on the next day, as the sun was coming up, a figure in a hat and heavy coat was walking down the sidewalk. He ducked behind a tree and watched another man go up to a nearby house.
Gradually, the man stopped in front of the mailbox. He looked around but did not see anyone. He opened the mailbox, took the mail, and started to run off.
Even here, just like the news said, there’s crime like mail theft in this neighborhood, thought Carl as he threw off the coat and hat.
Running down the sidewalk the man felt a burning sensation in his leg. He fell to the ground.
Seeing a burn in his jeans the man examined his leg. He looked up and saw a wooden stump where the mailbox that he robbed used to be, a stream of smoke flying from the wood. He looked past it and saw Carl and could not believe his eyes.
“How did . . .,” began the thief.
Even in the dim light of dawn, Carl could be seen clearly. He was wearing the wetsuit that he bought which he painted red. He had a red swim cap pulled down over his face with two eyes holes cut out to let him see. A blue cape hung from his neck to complete his look.
“Did you do this?” asked the thief.
“Onslaught of crime is meet with an attack of light,” said Carl. “I’m Captain . . . Courageous. No, Courage. I’m Captain Courage.”
Not believing what he was seeing, the thief looked back at what remain of the mailbox. “What did you do to me?” he asked. “Are you crazy?”
“Sir, I’m just here to stop you,” answered Carl pointing the laser at the thief. “Your days of stealing are over.”
“Take it if you want it,” said the thief. He threw the mail that he stole at Carl. “Just please don’t hurt me anymore!”
“How much do you know about the robbers on the news?” demanded Carl.
“Excuse me?”
“Finding those robbers is important to me so it’s important to you. You know, the ones hitting banks and other places.”
“At least ask about something I know! I don’t know anything about them!”
“Come on, you’re a crook too. Haven’t you heard anything through the criminal grapevine?”
“Enough dude, I’m just some guy with bills so occasionally I go through people’s mail to see if there’s anything valuable. I’m not a professional criminal.”
One minute passed as Carl stared at him. “Well, you’re still a jerk.” He turned and walked off. I’ll have one of the neighbors call the police.
Following a shower, a man with graying hair walked into his bedroom. He turned on the light and started to get into bed.
As he laid his body down, Carl came out from behind the opened door, closed it, and pointed the laser at the man. “Andy Tower, I need to ask you a few questions.”
Confused, the man turned around. “Who are you?”
“Enough, I’m asking the questions,” said Carl. He fired the laser at a nearby dresser blasting a hole in it.
“Oh my . . .,” cried Andy.
“Focus,” demanded Carl. “What do you know about the robbers that were on the news?”
“Are you kidding?” asked Andy.
“Come on, tell me what you know about those robbers,” demanded Carl.
As he sat there shaking Andy answered. “Nothing, I swear!”
“Tell me the truth,” said Carl. “You were arrested for being a burglar. You broke into some rich people’s houses. It was all over the news.”
“Burglary is a different thing than bank robbery,” said Andy. “We don’t move in the same circles.”
Carl sighed. In that interview that FBI agent said that thieves like them use fences to move stolen property. “Who’s your fence?”
“What?” asked Andy.
“Who is the guy you sell to?” asked Carl.
“I can’t tell you that,” said Andy.
Carl fired the laser at the wall behind Andy. The beam sliced through plaster and wood. Carl fired at the mattress sending foam and other material flying. Some of it hit Carl in the face causing him to swing his arms. The beam flew wild almost hitting Andy.
“Ahh,” he cried.
Carl dropped the laser as Andy hit the floor. Carl frantically searched for the laser and then scooped it up.
Andy looked up just as Carl pointed the laser at his head. “Who is he?” demanded Carl.
“OK, his name’s Van Jerkins,” answered Andy holding his hands up. “He works out of a pawnshop on Creshly Street. That is all I know!”
“The light of justice has shined on you,” said Carl. “Stay clean or it’ll shine even brighter and hotter next time.”
Carl turned and tried to dart out of the room, but he ran into the door. He stumbled back a bit and after a moment he opened the door and left the room.
Andy just laid in the wreckage of his bedroom. What just happened?
A few hours later, Carl parked down the street from the pawnshop that Jerkins owned. Let’s do this, Carl thought as he shut off the engine.
Jerkins was behind the counter when he heard the buzzer by the door. He looked up at Carl in his Captain Courage costume. Oh boy, thought Jerkins. It’s going to be another one of those visits.
“I know who you are,” said Carl pointing the laser at Jerkins. “Tell me everything you know about the guys who hit Memories Jewelry last week.”
“What?” asked Jerkins. “Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you’re confused.”
Carl aimed the laser at a nearby case and fired. The beam went through the glass and blew up one of the watches inside.
“Whah . . .,” cried Jerkins jumping back.
Carl pointed the laser back at Jerkins. “The same will happen to you if you don’t talk.”
Jerkins picked up a tray filled with engagement rings and threw it at Carl. “Kip, Dan, get in here,” cried Jerkins.
Two large men came out of the back. “Get him,” ordered Jerkins. “Be careful, he’s . . .”
Carl fired the laser at them. They ducked and cried out as the beam sliced through the wall behind them.
Carl started to go around the counter, but Jerkins picked up another tray of jewelry and threw it at him. “Run,” said Jerkins.
Carl chased after the 3 men as they ran into the back but as he went through the door Dan swung a saxophone down which struck the hand holding the laser.
“Ahh,” cried Carl.
Dan swung the sax again, but Carl managed to dodge it. He then grab the instrument and they both pulled on for a second. Suddenly Carl lost his grip on the sax and Dan fell backwards.
Carl reached down for the laser, but Kip grabbed him and swung him forward. Carl landed on some boxes that had be stacked on the floor. Kip advanced on Carl who then threw some of the boxes at him. Kip swatted the boxes aside and tried to stomp on Carl, but he rolled away.
Carl got to his feet and started to run away but Kip grabbed him by his cape. Carl felt Kip pull him back, so he undid the knot around his neck. Kip fell back as Carl shot forward.
Jerkins tripped Carl as he moved, and he fell onto the floor. “Get him,” ordered Jerkins.
Both Dan and Kip came at the fallen man. Carl got to his hands and knees and crawled between Dan’s legs.
The two men turned around and came at Carl. Dan grabbed one of Carl’s legs and pulled. Carl frantically grabbed his cape off the ground and swung it at the other men. Dan let go of Carl and swatted the cape away. The cape was flung into the two men’s faces which momentary stopped them.
Carl was swinging the cape at them when he got an idea. He took the other end in his free hand and twirled it around like a wet towel. He then whipped it at Dan. The large man fell back, and Carl then aimed the cape at Kip. Carl whipped at the two men, driving them back. He got to his feet and desperately looked around.
Carl spotted the laser on the floor. He threw the cape at the two to stall them and darted to the device. Carl grabbed the laser just as Kip pulled the cape off himself.
“No one move,” cried Carl. He shot the laser and swung the beam around the room. Objects on shelves were blown apart, lines were craved into walls, and flaming pieces of cardboard flew through the air.
Jerkins and his men ducked to the ground. They held their heads to the floor as the sound of things blowing up and the smell of them burning filled the air.
The sound finally stopped, and Jerkins raised his head to see Carl pointing the laser at him.
“Now, what do you know?” asked Carl.
Jerkins held up his shaking hands. “Nothing, I swear! I saw them on the news, but I’ve never met them. You have to believe me.”
“You never bought jewels or anything else from them?”
“No, you can check. I have stolen stuff all around here but nothing that traces to that jewelry store.”
Carl looked at him for a moment then sighed. Another dead end.
Carl left the pawnshop with a cell phone that he found in Jerkin’s pocket. “Yeah, a pawnshop filled with stolen goods. You’ll find the thieves locked in a closet in the back.” Carl dropped the phone on the ground and walked off a with a trash bag.
Carl arrived home. He opened the trash bag and emptied it’s contents on to the coffee table next to the other object from the crash. It was a large collection of bills.
There must be thousands of dollars here. Business at that pawn shop was definitely good. It’s fortunate that the damage the laser did reveal that secret compartment in the wall.
Carl picked up a wad of bills held together with a rubber band. I know exactly what to do with this. It’s time to lure those robbers out of hiding.
The next morning, Carl walked down the sidewalk and approached Huffington First Bank. As he approached the entrance a car slowly came up to the building. It made a bunch of strange sounds as it came to a stop. The driver came out and rushed to the bank with a nervous look on his face. He and Carl went inside.
“I’m sorry, I’m late,” said the driver to the manager who stood beside the tellers. “My car was having problems.”
Carl went past them and up to a young woman behind the counter. “Madam, I would like to make a deposit,” said Carl as he scratched at his face. The fake beard he had just bought was irritating him.
“Yes sir, do you have an account with us?” asked the teller looking at the hair on his face. Is there something wrong with that beard? It almost looks fake.
“No, I don’t,” answered Carl.
“Well, I’m going to have to see some ID,” said the teller.
“ID?”
“Yes, to open an account we’re going to need some personal information. Name, address, and social security number to start.”
OK, time to go to Plan B, thought Carl. “Thank you for your help,” he said loudly.
“Huh?” asked the teller.
Carl took out a large wad of cash. “I just hit it big at the lottery,” he said loudly as he waved the money around. Several people in the lobby looked at him. “Now I have a new bank account stuffed to the gills with cash. Things are looking up for me. I’m rich!”
Carl headed towards the door waving the money around.
“OK, that was . . . odd,” said the teller.
Carl left the bank. That newscaster said that bank robbers like them do recon on places before they hit them. This is one of the last few banks in the city they haven’t struck. Now people know that it just got a huge deposit of money. They’re bound to strike and when they do, I’ll be there. I just hope Dave gives me another day off from work.
Carl walked away from the bank and as he did so a man poked his head out the door and watched him go.
Carl was driving down a street when a van suddenly pulled up in front of him. “Ahhh,” he cried slamming on the brakes.
Two men in ski masks got and ran over to him. Before Carl could do anything, the masked men pull him from the car and dragged him to the van.
What’s going on? wondered Carl as he was thrown in.
The van drove passed Carl’s car and raced down the road.
“Hey,” said Carl.
“Quiet,” ordered a voice in the dark. “So, you’re Mr. Moneybags. Got rich and is spreading it around.”
“We can help you with that,” said another voice.
“What do you want?” asked Carl terrified.
“We’re going back to the bank where you just opened that account and you’re going to redraw all of it,” answered the first voice. “Tell them that you changed your mind. After that we’ll take the money and drop you off somewhere nice and quiet. Do what we say, and you won’t get hurt.”
This is them, thought Carl. I know it! He reached into his pocket for the laser, but someone grabbed his wrist.
“Hands where we can see them,” said the second voice.
The hand held onto Carl as they drove to the bank.
One of the men rolled up his mask into a hat and put on sunglasses. The side door of the van opened, and the man dragged Carl out. As he left, he noticed two other men in the van wearing masks.
The two went towards the bank. The car that Carl saw earlier was attached to a tow truck. A man in a coverall was kneeling beside it, tools on the ground.
The man pulled Carl into the lobby. “You try anything, and things will get ugly,” the man whispered into Carl’s ear.
The man led Carl towards the tellers.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” cried Carl.
“Oh no you . . .,” said the man.
“I’m going to be sick,” cried Carl louder. He pulled his arm from the man’s grasp and darted to the bathroom.
Carl shut the door behind him. Not much time! He tore off his beard and took off his suit to reveal the red wet suit underneath.
Carl quickly changed into his Captain Courage costume, leaving his clothes on the floor. He then reached down and took the laser out of the pocket of his pants.
Carl took a deep breath and left the bathroom.
Carl found the man standing in the middle of the lobby. “What the . . .,” he began.
“Hold it right there, crook,” shouted Carl.
The teller who Carl spoke to earlier looked at him. Another one?
Carl held the laser on the man. “Someone call the police. This man is one of the robbers on the news.”
The man reached into his jacket pocket, but Carl fired on him. The robber instinctively dodged the beam which went past him and struck the tellers’ booth craving through the thick wood.
There were screams as everyone started running or ducking.
The man took a canister from his pocket and threw it at Carl, but he fired at it. There was a thunderous sound and a blinding light.
“Ahh,” cried Carl and several others.
Several minutes passed and Carl tried to get his bearings. Where did he go? Was that a flash bang grenade?
He could see blurry shapes and things sounded like he was underwater. Carl tried to walk but had difficulty keeping his balance.
Slowly his vision started to return to normal. He could see several people running out of the bank.
Carl turned to the man who brought him as he was getting to his feet. “Freeze,” said Carl pointing the laser at him.
Suddenly two masked men with bats came into the bank. “Are you OK?” one of them asked the man. “There’s people going nuts out . . .”
Carl fired the laser. The beam waved around as he had trouble keeping it still. It nearly hit the first robber’s head. It burnt a streak into the wall behind him and headed towards the other two. It sliced through one of their bats causing the men to cry out. They ducked to the floor as Carl waved the beam around.
The beam blasted a piece of concrete out of a pillar. Carl pulled at the laser sending the beam in the other direction. It blasted out a window of an office and sliced through a filing cabinet.
Carl turned to see one of the men coming at him with the remaining bat. He quickly fired at it sending pieces of wood in every direction.
“Ahh,” cried the man who was holding it. He fell back to the floor.
Carl’s vision and hearing began to fully recover. He looked around and saw that there were only a few bank employees left in the building. He returned his attention to the robbers. “Everyone, freeze,” he said waving the laser at them.
“Don’t hurt us,” said one of the men.
“Do what I say, and you won’t get hurt.”
A few minutes later, the driver of the van got out and went towards the bank carrying a paintball gun.
Carl came out pointing the laser at him. “Don’t move! It’s over!”
“What the . . .,” began the last robber. “Who are you? Where are the others?”
“Locked in an office,” answered Carl. “It’s over. Put your hands up!”
“No way!” The man raised the paintball gun and took aim.
Carl fired at the arm of the man setting the sleeve of his jacket on fire.
“Ahh,” cried the man dropping his weapon. He waved his arm trying to put out the flames.
Carl went towards him as the fire went out. The robber looked around and spotted a can of gasoline that was next to the tools by the car. He grabbed it and threw it at Carl.
Instinctively Carl fired at the can. There was an explosion knocking both Carl and the robber off their feet.
A couple of seconds later, Carl regained conscious. He looked around. There were flames everywhere. He felt sore. He then realized that half of his mask was gone. Carl sat up and saw that the robber was across from him. The man groaned but still lied there.
Carl started to get up. “Oh no.” He saw bits of shiny metal scattered on the ground. The laser, it’s gone!
Carl checked himself. There were burns on his wet suit and his cape was torn and shredded but he was for the most part OK.
Carl ran from the scene looking around as he did so.
Soon after, the sound of sirens could be heard.
Carl eventually reached his home. He sat down on the sofa and sighed. The laser’s gone . . . but at least I got those guys. He closed his eyes and sat there for a while.
After some time, he opened his eyes. “What am I going to do now?”
Suddenly there was a soft glow coming from the other piece from the crash site. The glow grew brighter and after a moment the piece floated up off the coffee table.
Carl looked at the object as it floated several inches in the air. “What the . . .”
He reached out towards it.
Figments of An Overactive Imagination 